Pepe Mujica sets the Bar on being POOR

Pepe Mujica sets the Bar on being POOR

The King Indeed

March 8th, 2015


Hello all,

its me, Buffalo, I’m back. On a mission to civilize, like Don Quifuckinxote……..This latest article is about who some men call, “the last hero of politics”…they say, ”wise men wonder while strong men die”, this dude did both. Someone who actually does something for the people, selfless, someone prepared to lead the way, someone who almost died fighting for what he believed in, a one Pepe Mujica. Born to Spanish and Italian immigrants in Uruguay, he is officially the poorest President in the world, poorer than the Somalian president, that’s right.

This pasty looking Hybrid Latino refused to move to the Presidential Palace upon election, and drove his beat up Volkswagen home (refusing chauffeurs) and drank a $12 bottle of Korbel to celebrate. He lives in a farmhouse, with a 3 legged dog (you can’t make this shit up, it has rabies too, I think, not sure about the rabies, but I saw the pic, it definitely has 3 legs), and he gives 90% of his $12,000 annual salary to charity. His 1987 Volkswagen Beetle has a value of $1,800, and if that is not enough, his wife owns the farmhouse, that is right, she took his ass to the cleaners and they are STILL together. In the 70s, he was shot six times and spent 14 years in jail after trying to overthrow the government, where he drew most his inspiration from the Cuban revolution. Most of his detention was spent in solitary, until he was freed in 1985 when Uruguay returned to democracy.

Pepe rose to power in the 90s, his politics are described as Liberal which, by South American standards, means he is a communist bastard, but the story ends well, I swear; in addition, he’s an Atheist, and he is also a vegetarian. If you think the world is getting too politically correct on this part of the hemisphere, the liberals down there are giving our ultra-liberal freaks up here a run for their money. Officially, legally that is, Christmas no longer exists in Uruguay (yes, this is a Latin country), it is called ‘Family Day’, and, Easter time is called ‘Tourism Week’. Yee-ikes, can you imagine the rampage Ted Nugent would go on down there? I can hear him now, with that southern drawl ”hey you muatharfuckarrz, gimmeh santa bayuck”.

Mr Mujica saw the light in his elder years however, and came closer to the center, probably because he had some good advisers who counseled him about the perils of polarization. He actually supported his opposing parties candidate when he stepped down, can you imagine McCain giving Obama a pat on the arse, or vice-versa when it is time for Barack to step down and we can finally repeal ObamaScare because my deductible went up to $3600, which I cannot afford? Yeah, right, perhaps we can learn something from them, corruption by and large is very low, and, drugs have never been criminalized.

Actually, Uruguay is going to be the first South American market that will completely legalize Marijuana. Taking the power from the cartels, and, using the tax money to treat drug addicts.

In a U.N. speech, he urged other countries to follow suit, which would make sense, as it would cause a sharp decline in drug crime, and save lives, in other words, it would make sense. So don’t expect it to happen anywhere anytime soon.
In conclusion, The Great Argentine philosopher Eduardo Sanguinetti nominated him to get a Nobel Prize, and said of him “who can not be anything in his life an example of austerity, dignity and honesty, adding its actions in favor peace of peoples today in conflict” (it sounds better in Spanish). Let us all learn a lesson of humility and try to be less selfish and materialistic, and try to help others. Not to sound all boring and cliche, but you can’t eat money, but you can buy some tasty food with it, and give it to a starving child.


[Intern writer for]

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